all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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