dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
