new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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