I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
