You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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