why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
