she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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