I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I am morally bankrupt
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
