my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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