I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize