Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
