I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
