Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
