I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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