4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The struggles of a small town man whore
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
