I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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