Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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