Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
