It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize