I feel like abortions should bother me more
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize