since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
