I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
smell my finger.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
