He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
