You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I deserve this hangover.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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