Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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