Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
