my soul wont recognize me after tonight
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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