So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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