A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
