HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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