I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
