Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
