Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
