i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
