You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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