Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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