Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
