you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
