I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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