i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
