my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is Oprah even human
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize