There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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