im six kinds of drunk right now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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