dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
