Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
