Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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