Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
