hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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