His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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