I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
