in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
