His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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