maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
