i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
These tits shall not be calmed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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