i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
