**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
