Non-Jews are for practice
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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