Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
