Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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