at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
