He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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