It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
