dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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