just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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