you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
