I didn't shave. On purpose
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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