You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize