Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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