i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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