I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The Olympian is in my bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
