I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
