Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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